Wednesday, January 13, 2010♥
{12:32 PM}
Realized that this blog will be posted with sad + depressing + ranting posts most of the time.
It has always been like this.
My life, filling up with the various setbacks and depressed moments.
These moments are always more than the happy memories that I'll ever have.
&since these blog is private &I hope that it'll remain private;
I'll come clean.
'Contemplating suicide' pops into my head more and more frequently over the years.
'Becoming more and more depressed' is what happened to me over these period.
'Being able to hide my emotions well' is what I have learnt, &eventually mastered.
'Giving advices& not wanting others to end up like me' is what I have been doing. As I know that it is really terrible to be in the state that I am in right now.
'Cutting myself' is a habit. A habit that I have tried quitting for years. But till now, I am still unable to kick that habit. Resulting in the ugly scars that I have.
'Not giving up' is what I am desperately trying to do as it is really difficult. What I am left with now are my juniors + secondary school friends + boyf.
If any of those leave me, I will fall apart. I will.
'Trying to hold on' because I do not wish to disappoint my friends& boyf. They need me as well as I need them. It's an inter-dependable relationship whereby it must be kept balanced at all times.
'Staying alive' is tedious. It is very difficult.
'Falling apart' is something I do not want to let it happen.
'Breathing' is the only thing left to do.